Do you two have what it takes to endure? Professor and sexologist Pepper Schwartz offers five starting points to help probe your feelings and prove your love.

1. Do you have trouble finding solutions together? It’s not about persuading your spouse that you’re right. It’s whether the two of you can consistently find a comfortable
middle ground.

2. Is your spouse making most of the decisions? Your point of view needs a full and fair hearing before you both decide on an outcome.

3. Does he or she withhold affection? It’s not just about sex—holding hands and hugging are essential. Do you share a smile or kiss at the end of the day?

4. Are either of you defensive? Shoulder responsibility and suggest a do-over. That will make it easier to admit you were wrong.

5. Is your spouse inflexible? The priorities you set 20 years ago may not apply if things change—for example, if one of you loses a job or gets sick.

Bottom line: If you’ve answered affirmatively to most of these questions, it’s time to get to work. Discussing your answers might be a good place to start.